My Happy Ending
by Bittersweet Love
Summary: I love my lies. And every single person believes them' She lied. She hated. She grieved. And she trusted none. DMHG fic. Dark fic, M for suicide and depression. RR please! Post HBP!
1. Prologue

A/N: Uhhh, first fanfic… hope it's good enough for you guys out there! Oh, and this isn't a really proper chapter, it's just a little something to see if you people like it! It's sort of just what Hermione thinks of herself. Please please tell me in your lovely reviews! Flames are welcome…just as long as they aren't really rude or insulting – just your opinion please. R & R thanks! Enjoy! XD

XOXO

Bittersweet Love

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Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own any of these characters poor me;wish I could though – doesn't everyone? Just the lame ol' plot…

Summary: All this time you were pretending, So much for my happy ending...Hermione is in depression. What is going to get her out of it?

Rated: M – Dark fic, for suicide, depression, and swearing.

Genre: This is probably going to be a bit of drama, a bit of romance and a bit of angst all in one.

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**My Happy Ending  
**The Prologue

She was sick. Sick of herself.

She was tired. Tired for being the same.

She was angry. Angry because she couldn't have what she wanted.

She was annoyed. Just because she hated her life.

And truly, it really wasn't such a great life.

Actually, it was quite fucked up.

Sure, she was smart.

Sure, she got top grades.

Sure, she was a brilliant witch.

Sure, she was Harry Potter's best friend.

But, honestly, what did that REALLY matter?

Actually, she would've cared less.

She didn't want any of that. It didn't matter to her at all.

She was always the responsible one,

The take-charge one,

The reliable one,

The bossy one,

The sensible one,

The hard-working one – yep, that sure was Hermione.

But she wanted to be BETTER than that.

She was no longer going to be some sissy girl who was also a nerd and couldn't stand up to herself and needed some two protective stupid boy best friends at her side at all times.

She didn't want to be known as some girl, who didn't have any proper girl friends and didn't have any sense of fun,

And she really didn't want to be some suck-up teacher's pet (who was also known to be very stubborn).

She was going to change.

She wanted to be bad.

She wanted to be mischievous.

She wanted to be intimidating.

She wanted to be mean.

She wanted to be dark, for everyone to worship her like some goddess or, maybe, all she wanted was just some more popularity and a new makeover…

NO – wait. She DID want all of that.

Did she want to admit to it? Did she want to tell her best friends, Potty and Weasel, that she wanted to be different? Did she really want to face all the shocked faces when she tells them that she wants to change? Did she want to be like – a Slytherin?

Yes, she did.

Well, not exactly, they would laugh at her and just make fun of her. And Harry and Ron would just try to comfort her like some lost pathetic little girl who needed sympathy. No, maybe she would be just avoid the whole subject. She would change without their help.

Not like she needed them.

She didn't need anyone.

Well, maybe she needed one person.

And that was Draco Malfoy.

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A/N: This is just a short endnote…um I hope you guys liked that! And thanks ronaldo9 – my editor! Thanks so much! I'm gonna put the next part up soon! I'm not sure if everyone is going to like my writing…but PLEASE PLEASE review, just want to see if you guys like it or not! Thanks a bunch!

XOXO

Bittersweet Love


	2. The Secret

A/N: There! This part is done! This is story is actually going to start now. I just want to tell you guys that I'm not going to be always writing in this form…like "she", "he"…I'm putting dialogue in he next chapter! Oh, and thank you to everyone who reviewed! You guys rock! If I didn't get any…I would cry. T.T Anyways… here goes…

Bittersweet Love

XOXO

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**My Happy Ending  
**Her Secret

Hermione Granger had a "little" secret.

Okay, maybe it wasn't a little secret. Maybe, it was just a secret that she didn't want anybody to know about.

Because it was a BIG secret.

Maybe a bit **too** big.

And she didn't want people making a big deal about it.

That's why she didn't tell a single soul.

She kept everything to herself. Even though she had good best friends and all, she was sure no one would like her secret – not even them.

It wasn't a bad secret. And at first, she thought maybe it would be just a temporary secret. Maybe it would go away.

But it didn't.

It had bothered her ever since 3rd year. Until now. And she was 17…

What happened? She didn't know.

This secret… was about a single boy.

He was her everything.

This boy was everything she could ever hope for.

She simply loved him.

So, what was the problem?

She hated him. And so did everyone else.

Why? Why did she even like the stupid annoying git in the first place?

Actually, Hermione herself did not even know the real reason.

Was it because he was the Slytherin sex-god and every girl craved for him and maybe that's why she thought she needed to crave for him too?

Was it because she knew she would never have him?

Was it the danger and shock if someone ever found out that she liked him?

Was it because he always insulted her and he was her mortal enemy and maybe somehow that turned her on?

Was it because he was horribly handsome and sexy-looking?

Was it because he always argued with her about nothing at all?

Was it because he was everything she ever wanted?

Or was it merely because he was so different from her?

Well, actually, the answer was yes to all of the questions.

And she obsessed about him… everyday.

She spent her extra time (after she was done her homework of course, this is again, Hermione Granger we are talking about), writing Draco and her name together and around it were little hearts.

That, obviously, was a BIG waste of time.

She knew he would NEVER like her, or even become her friend.

Even still, she used her time to ponder about things like, what Malfoy would be like in bed, or maybe what it would be like to be married to him, or maybe if they had kids, what they would look like. And occasionally, she thought about what it would be to just spend all her time with him forever.

It was just a lovely fantasy she liked to think about on her spare time.

Sometimes, she thought that maybe he might unexpectedly come up to her, or better yet, write a love letter to her, expressing his undying love for her…but pphhhffttt.

That was just a reverie.

Nothing like that would ever happen. For all she knew, she might even become a poor old lady with NO husband and NO love life at all and end up dying in a rickety rackety old rocking chair with a dozen cats keeping her company and her half-finished pink fuzzy sweater in her lap.

She could never have him. After all the rivalry between them, how would it ever be possible?

She wanted so badly to express her true feelings to him, but that was unlikely.

They couldn't even talk civilly with each other. They ended up always arguing with each other; but she enjoyed those fights. Because it was the only way she could ever talk to him.

She felt so pathetic.

She didn't think she should be ashamed though…She knew that the whole girl population felt the same towards him.

But she felt different. Well, she thought she felt different. She didn't exactly know.

All the girls only wanted him to sleep with him. She wasn't like them; she didn't want to be a whore. The other girls THOUGHT they knew everything about him. They wanted to kiss him just because all the other girls would be SO jealous when they found out some girl had snogged or shagged him.

But Hermione didn't love him for that. She hardly even believed those rumors. Well, maybe the kissing part. But she didn't love him for those reasons. She felt that part of her knew that he was different from the others. Like he wasn't just some stupid arrogant jerk that Hermione always knew him as. She knew that wasn't really him.

Her love for him was different.

It wasn't just some dumb teenage crush – it was real love.

She didn't know why, but she felt that she had always loved him. From the beginning and until the end too.

But did he love her too?

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A/N: There! Please please review! Also, as always, thanks to my annoying, but still brilliant-as-ever- editor, ronaldo9! PLEASE REVIEW! Thanks!

Bittersweet Love

XOXO


	3. The Beginning of Everything

A/N: Thanks to all my lovely reviewers! XD Here's a chapter with **finally** some dialogue! Well actually it's just Hermione in this chapter and she's just sort of talking to herself but it still works. . so there you go that's what you guys wanted. I think. Please review or else I won't update! Thanks, enjoy and read on…

Bittersweet Love

XOXO

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**My Happy Ending  
**The Beginning of Everything

Lying lazily on the back porch of her yellow tarnished French-styled house, Hermione Granger was trying to soak up the last of the summer's sun rays before the Hogwarts year started in just a mere 2 weeks.

Beside her green lawn chair, of which she was sprawled upon, laid her favourite little blue notebook. You could see her messy cursive in the pages she was writing in before she decided to stop and take a rest.

"Ahh…the summer sun. Just what I need to help me relax and - "

Something very familiar attracted her attention and she bolt immediately to a sitting position.

"Merlin, is that? Can it…be?" She gasped and then laughed. "Of course…"

A snowy owl appeared out of nowhere and flew onto Hermione's small outdoor picnic table. It was quite peculiar actually; a snowy owl in the middle of summer in the boiling heat.

"Hedwig! What have you got here? You know you're attracting quite a lot of attention around here…and please realize that muggles are also living in this area as well," she said, patting the owl, unaware of the fact that she was talking to an animal who understood every word she just said perfectly well.

She tore open the letter that Hedwig had been carrying from Harry, which read:

_Dear Hermione,_

_Ron has invited both of us to visit and stay at the Burrow for the rest of the summer and we were wondering if you would like to stay with us. Last year at Hogwarts was sort of chaotic for Ron and I and we both apologize if it seemed like we might've been ignoring you. But we also have other stuff to do than be with you right? Maybe we could catch up with each other and go back like the old times. That would be great! Owl us back with your answer!_

_Cheers,  
Harry_

_PS Ron says 'hi' too!  
_

Hermione wasn't surprised at all by his letter; Ron always invited her and Harry over at the Burrow every summer. This summer was by no means of any exception.

But this time, Hermione wanted to do something different during the summer.

And plus, the boys and her weren't as close as they used to be. As they grew older, Ron and Harry and drifted into their own world, and Hermione was off to herself. She never had many good girl friends and now that they had sort of left her, she was lost.

She decided to write them a quick word back.

_Dear Harry and Ron,_

_Thank you for the offer, but I think this summer is going to be a little bit 'different'. I've decided to invite Ginny over. I want to have some quality girl time with her; I really hope you can understand._

_Thanks,  
Hermione  
_

Frankly though, Hermione didn't exactly feel **too** upset over the fact that Harry and Ron had gotten closer to each other than to her. She was growing up and she didn't really need two close guy friends around her like pointless body guards. (Although, it still sometimes affected some of the boys liking her and it was hard finding boyfriends.)

She wanted to spend some more time with Ginny. The red haired girl was the closest girl friend Hermione has ever had in her life. It didn't matter that Ginny was a year younger than Hermione, because they got along so well with each other. Ginny respected what Hermione had to say and they trusted each other very much.

But Hermione had never told her the BIG secret.

Why?

She was so afraid of what her best friend currently would say. She was afraid that Ginny would stop being her friend. She was afraid that Ginny would hate her. She was afraid that Ginny would laugh at her and tell the whole school. Oh yes, she was very afraid.

However, Hermione wanted her last summer to be a good memory (not that being at the Burrow was a bad memory…but having Ginny over would be a better memory). And she decided that having Ginny there would be the perfect touch.

Plus, she had already created a list of some changes she needed to fix about herself. And Ginny would most definitely be willing to help.

Hermione was sure that Harry and Ron wouldn't mind. They'd rather play Quidditch than fix a girl's hair any day. They were still friends…but just not as close. And they didn't exactly care what Hermione ever did; but she didn't mind anymore.

The brown-haired girl owled Ginny just in case she hadn't heard from Ron or Harry yet.

As soon as she finished, she lied back down on her lawn chair and picked up her glass of lemonade from the wooden porch floor and drank. Putting down her glass, Hermione grabbed her blue notebook and pen and flipped through it until she reached the page she was looking for.

Skimming the page very quickly (titled The List); she shook her head slightly to herself and tossed the paper pad aside.

"I must be crazy to think this is going to work."

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A/N: There! Please please just press the little 'go' button at the bottom and review! Thank you very very much! I might not update in a while though…because unfortunately, my editor is gone for this weekend and I need him to continue! Oh, thanks, ronaldo9!

Bittersweet Love  
XOXO


	4. The Truth

A/N: I'm SO sorry…I didn't update in some time but my editor has gone and he's back now! I might be switching editors because ronaldo9 is often but I already have somebody in mind. Anyways, this chapter is just mainly showing that Hermione has two sides of herself, and she's very emotionally unstable right now. It might be awkward; because the chapter before just seemed like Hermione was fine and all…Well I don't want to spoil it so go read it for yourself! Enjoy!

Bittersweet Love

XOXO

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**My Happy Ending  
**The Truth

_Hermione's Point of View_

People think stupid things. Stupid things like – suicide, misery, darkness, death, and what not. It's just a big waste of time. Either you kill yourself now or choose to live on. Why waste so much time pondering about the two factors? It doesn't make much of a big difference. Just die and get it over with or stop thinking about it. It's stupid and only stupid people think of such things. I'm one of those people.

I have a problem. Actually, many problems that are still unsolved and probably will always stay unsolved. I get so annoyed at myself sometimes, so… frustrated. I get upset that no one can truly understand me or how I feel.

Maybe I'm going insane – maybe I should see one of those muggle therapists who always walk into your life right at the time when you don't want them to. They stick to you like a bug and try to help you but you know they can never help. "How do you feel about that?" they would ask. Like they even give a SHIT about how you feel. They attempt and they think that everything in life is just an easy math problem that anyone can solve. Well NO ONE can solve this one. Except for maybe me.

There's another thing. Adults – my major pet peeve. They try to help and it never works. They act like they really care about you but in all's honestly, why would they even bother? They don't give a fuck about you. All of those adults are pretenders. Stupid pretenders who only care for themselves. They think that being a child is so easy and that we don't know what they're going through – but we have worse problems! Life might even be harder for us than for them. They just don't know that. And they don't believe us either.

Everyone thinks it's so easy to be me. I have the smarts, the knowledge, the intelligence – it's the same quality, I know… but I'm just trying to help make myself feel better. It's not working. I don't have anything else except for my intelligence.

No one actually knows what I go through. I know my life isn't that bad; hell, it might be considered good compared to the muggle children who live in Africa and starve.

Smart – pphhhfftt. What does that actually matter? I don't really care. Actually I don't care that I even fail my last year at Hogwarts! "Oh yes, Hermione Granger will end up being VERY successful." WHAT IF I DON'T WANT TO! I take it all in. I get it from my teachers, my peers, even my friends (Harry, Ron, Ginny). I hate being good. It's all an act.

And they believe me. They believe I'm happy. They believe I have everything I've wanted.

Yes, I'm a very good actress. And maybe a 'liar' in that case as well.

I've always been upset inside. No one knows. Hopefully no one ever will. I've been telling so many lies about myself.

I lie to everyone. My family, my Hogwarts friends, my muggle friends…and myself.

I avoid the truth. Because the truth is not what I wanted.

At 7 years old, I never understood much. But I understood that my muggle father left with everything we've ever had that one night. He was drinking, like always, uncontrollably and slept with a different woman every night. My mom couldn't even properly talk to him because he was drunk 90 of the time. And he would always hit my mom. It was painful to see her go through it all. But thankfully, he never hit _us_.

Yeah, there's an 'us.' That's me and my older sis, Elyse. Sounds like we're good buddies eh? Well I hate her. I despise her. I detest her. I loathe her. Because she's everything I've ever wanted to be. I don't want to be her; but I think I'm already too late. The acting half of me, the goody-goody part of me, the teacher's pet of me, has actually become her.

My sister who also has no magic power at all and goes to a muggle American university –_Yale_. I've heard of it and my mom drags on and on about her going there and how successful she is….she annoys me so much. With her its always "Elyse this, Elyse that" just blabbing on and on. Senseless talk.

On top of that, we've never had much money. We're doing okay now since my sister works and studies at the same time and so does my mom but when 'he' first left us we had no money at all. He stripped us bare of everything we've ever had. It was difficult. We struggled for some time and my mom would continuously say, "Well if you think you're life is bad – look at mine! I've brought you and Elyse up all on my own! Do you think that's easy?"

I would just end up ignoring her. And she would just still keep talking to herself. I used to spend every possible second arguing with her. But really, what's the use? It's just wasting my energy and there's no point in that.

She hardly ever talks to me now. And when she does it's, "How come you can't be more like Elyse?" or "My life is crappy too. I didn't bring you up to be a bitch and burden me with your fucking problems. I've got my own shit to deal with as well."

Not like my mom would understand me; and my sister wouldn't either. I'm a witch. I'm supposed to be better than them. But they discriminate me like I'm worse than them. How come I wasn't born a muggle? How come I couldn't be as smart as Elyse? Well maybe I am. They just don't know. They don't understand a thing about transfiguration or potions or magic at all. If they knew what I could do then maybe they would understand. But they just make fun of me when I show them my 'Outstanding' O.W.L. marks; they just laugh. Because I'm different.

I know I should be proud of me being able to do magic and how well I do in school, but I can't. Because no one understands. In the muggle world, my family doesn't understand. In the magic world, they think I'm a teacher's pet. At home, I'm just a 'witch.' At Hogwarts, I'm just a 'mudblood.'

I just hide inside myself. I'm glad Hogwarts is still there so I can be away for most of the year; it's sort of like my saviour.

I don't have anyone to confide in. To tell what I really feel, you know? Not like anyone would much less care to hear what I have to say.

My life is a lie. It's always been a great big lie. I like avoiding the truth. Lies hurt more than truth, so that's the way to go, right? Wrong.

Nothing in life is trustworthy. Nothing.

Neither is anything believable. Even me.

I have fun-loving muggle parents who are dentists and earn TONS of money and I don't have any siblings that exist. My parents love and support me every step of the way. Yeah right. That's all bullshit.

I love my lies. And every single person believes them.

So to all those outsiders who think my life is just SO easy – it's not.

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A/N: There you go!

This is also somewhat partially based on my life. Yeah, I've been through stages where I'd be depressed and then get over it and think "What the hell? My life is brilliant." I feel like I'm connecting with Hermione now. It's easier to write now…XD this actually started out as a letter I was writing when I was depressed, but I changed some stuff so now it's become part of my story and applies to Hermione's situation.

Anyways, I hope you guys liked that! Poor Hermione…Thanks to all my brilliant reviewers! Thank you guys so much! I LOVE REVIEWS! So please, if you are reading this ending author note, please just help me out and review! I just want people to connect with me! I want to know who's reading this and if they think its crap or if it's awesome! Thank you to all those who took the time to review!

And obviously, thank you to my most fab editor – ronaldo9! This wouldn't have become a chapter without you!

Bittersweet Love

XOXO


	5. The Visit

A/N: gapes OMIGAWD! I am so like sorry. Like OMG! LIKE WOW IT'S BEEN SOOO LONG. Okay. Well that was just mocking those weird girls out there haha sorry. blushes but actually, it's been quite a long time since I have updated…Sorry school's first week was confusing but hopefully I have most of my timetable set and I should be able update or at least try to update regularly. Maybe like twice a week? Or more? I'll try…don't worry. Ugh…also if you want to hear more about me you can read my live journal at And PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW…I really need those reviews to keep my ideas going and the story going! Whoever is reading my author note right now – please review. Thanks.

Bittersweet Love  
XOXO

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**  
My Happy Ending  
**The Visit

"Ginny! Finally! What took you so long?" Hermione embraced her best friend like she hadn't seen her for ever.

It felt so good to be with her best friend after that few weeks of summer and she had invited Ginny here for a very important reason. Not just because she had missed her a great deal don't worry she's not lesbian and she felt ready. Ready to tell… Ginny her "secret". It was nerve-wracking but she felt comforted for what she thought Ginny would say. Ginny was the bestest girl friend Hermione's ever had and she knew that no matter what she would tell Ginny, she would always be there for her…No matter what. Right?

Hermione was standing outside of her house waiting for Ginny…but not anymore. Ginny just showed up. 3 hours, 27 minutes and 42 seconds late. Great timing.

"Oh…well you know how Mum kept on worrying about me and what I should bring and always double-checking everything. It was just "Accio this, Accio that" but obviously, I didn't even need those things which created more of a mess and which resulted in Mum crying because she knew I was delaying you and that she was finally happy I got a best friend and when I finally got out of the door I realized I forgot my diary and then I had to go find it which I forgot where it actually was and found it in Ron's underwear drawer," Ginny said running out of breath.

Hermione stood there and just gaped. It was hilarious watching her friend talk and be totally unaware how funny she looked.

"Is there something in my teeth? Or is my hair messed? Because stupid Pig had a whole fit and somehow flew on my head and -"

She couldn't help it. She just HAD to burst out laughing. It was just HILARIOUS. Why, she had no idea but she needed something to cheer her up and this was the perfect thing.

"What!" Ginny stopped. Now it was Ginny who was staring at Hermione. _Well, she's definitely gone PYSCHO. _"Um…Hermione? Are you feeling alright?"

"HAHAH…yeah…just hold – HAHAHAHAH…no no…I need a – HAHAHHAHAHHA!" She just couldn't control herself. By now, Hermione was clutching her stomach so hard that she felt like she was a big balloon about to burst.

Ginny just stared. Her friend was insane. _Oh well, I guess I'll just wait._

Five and a half minutes later…

"Are you done laughing now?" The red haired girl was starting to get impatient. What was wrong with Hermione? She was getting really weird. Maybe that's why Hermione had invited her to her house in the first place. Maybe to tell her that she was going to a mental institute? Who knew?

"Yes yes…let's go inside." Hermione finally controlled herself. "So Ginny, how're you? What about Ron and Harry? Haven't heard about them much yet this summer…"

Ginny felt bad. She felt really bad. The Golden Trio had broken up. Ginny dreamed of them breaking up in second year and hoping that Harry would like her after breaking up. But now…Ron and Harry are the best of friends and Hermione…was ditched for a while. She felt like after she had made the wish, it had happened. She never wanted any of that. But Hermione didn't seem sad. Or at least not on the outside.

"Oh yeah, summer's fine! Ron and Harry have been so busy playing Quidditch and getting into shape again that Ron misses some of his meals for them! What about you 'Mione? How's summer treating you? One question, why'd you invite me in the first place?" Ginny asked. She had been wondering for some time now. Hermione had never seemed like someone to invite her friend over. Well at least Ginny felt special now.

"Oh…I'm fine. Thanks really. Oh…inviting you? Nothing…er, just fun…girl time? Right?" Hermione shook her head slightly, trying to convince herself at the same time. There was a very unexpected awkward silence between the two of them.

Ginny knew something was wrong…Hermione seemed to hesitate on every sentence and she seemed quite shaken up. Like she was keeping some horrible mean little secret that was shut into her. This really didn't seem like the Hermione she knew before summer. But as Ginny was the type of person to forgive and forget, she just ignored it and made it seemed like nothing was different.

Both girls walked up to Hermione's small bedroom, with Ginny's baggage behind them…It would be quite strange for a random muggle to walk into the room and see floating baggage but obviously they had to levitate the luggage in order to bring it up the stairs (no way were they going to use the muggle way).

Hermione's room seemed rather small piled with numerous books and parchment all over the ground. As much as it seemed that Hermione would have a very tidy and prissy room…It wasn't that way. It was a mess. Her desk was a mess, her bed was a mess, her closet was a mess. And everything was piled with schoolwork.

Ginny had changed her mind. Maybe this was the Hermione she knew BEFORE summer. Maybe she just assumed too fast. But this sure seemed like the "real" Hermione.

"Er…sorry Ginny, I know there's everything on my bed but I've been so overloaded of being prepared for my last year at Hogwarts…I'm not sure what to expect so I got many books…" Hermione replied shyly.

The red haired girl picked up a random book and flipped through it.

"Hm…preparing? For school? Doesn't really seem like it, eh?"

"Huh? What do you -?" Hermione grabbed the book from Ginny's hands and blanked out. _101 Tips on How to Charm a Teenage Boy, by Gilderoy Lockhart. _"Oh. Well, er, it's just my mom's – I have no idea how it got there…um really-"

"Hermione? Do you think I'll really believe you that your Mum is trying to "charm" teenage boys? Is there something you need to tell me? Something very important?" Ginny asked curiously, a sly smile creeping up her face.

"Nothing…of course, nothing. Why would there be something wrong?"

There was something very fishy going on. And it wasn't because of the pink salmon that Hermione had stuffed into the oven. Why would Hermione even care how she looked? She never cared what other people or guys in that case, thought about her. Ginny didn't even know that Hermione had some fashion sense until now.

It was quite strange; Hermione seemed to have changed in a very peculiar way. Why was Hermione hesitating? Why did she stutter? Why did she care what she looked like? Why was Hermione acting DIFFERENT?

Something was up and Ginny was going to find out what it was.

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A/N: AIYA! Finally finished it…aiya aiya totally in a workaholic mode finished in two days…sigh because no homework or homework that is due tomorrow Love you reviewers a lot! Please press that little "go" button down there to review and tell me what you think! Thank you very much to **Lammi** and **ronaldo9**! WHOOT to my editors and fans!

Love you all,

Bittersweet Love  
XOXO


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